Last week I mentioned that I was trying to survive the week from hell. The week didn’t end any better, as those of you who follow me on Facebook or Twitter might have already seen the news that this past weekend we had to say goodbye to our cat.
On Facebook, I shared an image of Raven from 5 years ago (taken at the vet after we first got her) and this message:
Thank you to the hundreds who have commented and shared their condolences. Truly, thank you so much for those. Your kind thoughts helped me through the weekend.
The last time we had to say goodbye to a cat, it was after she’d lived for 21 years, so to lose Raven after only 5 too-short years was a shock. Add in all the other bad things going on for our family last week, and well…let’s just say that even though I’m not an astrology person, I’m glad Mercury’s no longer retrograde as of this week. *smile*
Yet we also feel blessed that we were able to give a death-row kitty 5 years of a good, well-loved life. We’ve been focusing on the time we did have with her, and how we were lucky to have had her in our lives.
I keep imagining that I hear the tinkle of her collar bell throughout the house, which fills me with sadness anew every time, but no matter our grief when things don’t work out like we planned, we can still try to appreciate any enjoyment along the way. And just as she gave us plenty of enjoyment, I remember that the journey of life is what matters.
Focus on Experiences
At the same time I was deep in the grieving process this past weekend, I saw a Twitter thread by Darren Rowse to remind me to keep the big picture in mind:
Do you ever feel like you have taken a path in life that has been a waste of time?
— Darren Rowse (@problogger) August 18, 2018
From the ages of 20-30 I had around 20 jobs (in addition to starting two degrees at university – only one of which I completed).
— Darren Rowse (@problogger) August 18, 2018
At the time I wondered if I had been wasting my time with so many false starts.
— Darren Rowse (@problogger) August 18, 2018
Years later I realised that over that decade while I’d never really developed a ‘career’ that I’d actually built quite a good skill set.
— Darren Rowse (@problogger) August 18, 2018
I didn’t know it at the time but the accumulation of all those skills and strengths actually positioned me really well to end up doing what I do today.
— Darren Rowse (@problogger) August 18, 2018
So next time you feel like you are at a dead end or have made a false start ponder these questions.
— Darren Rowse (@problogger) August 18, 2018
? what skills did you develop?
? what knowledge did you gain?
? what lessons did you learn?
? what relationships were strengthened?
? what passions and interests were stimulated?
? how did your character mature?— Darren Rowse (@problogger) August 18, 2018
It could just be that without the ‘wrong turn’ you took that you will never reach your ultimate destination.
— Darren Rowse (@problogger) August 18, 2018
His perspective of “wrong turns” being important in our life meshes with an attitude I’ve tried to hold on to throughout my life: No time is “wasted” if we get something out of the experience.
The Journey Is What’s Important
Like Darren, I had a similar “unfocused” career path, as I wrote about a few years ago:
For a period of ten years after graduation, because I was moving so frequently, I worked for temporary agencies… That might seem like a long time to not have a career job (pre-Millennial time anyway), but I enjoyed the experience.
I got an inside look at tons of industries: major TV station, large-circulation magazine, automotive manufacturer, stock broker, etc. So I learned a little bit about a lot of companies and industries, from technologies to office politics, all of which is great experience for a writer.
Experience. Learning. Those are valid goals on their own.
That idea is similar to something else I’ve said before:
If our goal is not to “succeed”
or avoid failure or mistakes,
but to learn something,
we will never fail.
Life and Writing Are Journeys, Not Destinations
As writers, these concepts are especially important for us to internalize. Our careers as authors are so nebulous. When can we say we’ve “succeeded”?
Is it when we’ve finished a book? Gotten an agent? A publisher? Published a book? Published 5 books? Hit a list? Seen a story of ours read “in the wild”? Have fans begging for more?
The goalposts of success can keep moving, so enjoy the journey. Click To TweetThe goalposts can keep moving further away. A breakout hit can turn a “nobody” into a well-known author. And we can just as quickly fall back into obscurity with “one-hit wonder” next to our name.
I know all too well how focusing on the next goal and the next can prevent us from enjoying the here and now, and I know how hard it can be to celebrate milestones and accomplishments along the way if we’re constantly telling ourselves we’re not “there” yet. Losing someone we care about—and thinking about the happy times we shared—forces us to remember that the experiences of life are what’s important.
As a pantser, this perspective reminded me of what it’s like to write by the seat of my pants. I don’t always know where the story is going, but I sometimes have to trust that it will all work out. That going with the flow can create a worthwhile story. Or similarly, that enjoying the flow of our journey will give us a worthwhile life.
Enjoy sharing experiences with others. Enjoy learning and growing. Enjoy the journey of writing and of life. That’s what matters. *smile*
Do you tend to get caught up in goals and focusing on what comes next rather than on the here and now? Do you think we need to enjoy the moment or focus on the journey sometimes? What helps you remember to do that? What aspects of the journey or experiences of life are most important to you?
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